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THANK YOU SO MUCH. Click Here for the Edited Version. This is a strong pair of essays that puts a very human face on your application. You come across as an engaging and likeable IT professional, and the details you provide about your personal life are both interesting and journal article critique School informative. However, there were ways in which these essays could be improved. The major problem I noticed with these essays was the length of your paragraphs. It is necessary to break your discussions into easily digestible segments so that the reader is not overwhelmed by the breadth of your observations. I have substantially reworked the structure of these essays to writing University, make them more accessible to the reader. Throughout each essay, I took liberties to correct stylistic and grammatical problems. My changes largely took the form of how to write American School, making sentence transitions smoother and more compelling, varying sentence structure to keep the reader interested, and pruning unnecessary words to increase sentence comprehension and coherence.
I consciously tried to leave your own voice and ideas intact. Here are my specific notes on each original paragraph of the text: The first few sentences of your original draft seemed too self-pitying. It is essential to begin your essay with something that captures the reader's interest. I have provided a new introduction that illustrates the unique role that the Internet played in writing your family dynamic.
In addition, it is useful to separate the introduction proper from the rest of the first paragraph. I have provided a strong transition that illustrates the how to American, relevance of your volunteer IT experience. Finally, the new second paragraph that I have adapted from your original text incorporates extensive sentence-level adjustments to legal essay writing of Central Florida, improve your diction. When I visited him, the new automated production line and the whole computerized firm amused me. It is best to omit this detail since it suggests that you failed to appreciate the difficulty of writing a theme College of Management, your father's work. Legal Writing Of Central Florida! See the alternative treatment of this idea I have proposed in proposal essay the revised essay. I provided a stronger transition to this sentence, which encapsulates your main motivation for pursuing a career in IT. Your original paragraph was a bit too general, so I anchored your assertions in concrete fact to make them more compelling. Although monetary reward is practically important in essay writing of Central reality.
This is redundant. I suggest the following: While monetary rewards are of practical importance. I like learning new skills and acquiring up-dated information, because they can help me adapt the fast-changing world, enrich my experiences, explore my interest, and narrative essay TASIS (The American give me higher self-esteem as I am a valuable person. This is too effusive. I have provided a shorter version of this idea below. I have improved the diction of this paragraph to make it more compelling. I will attend a computer-programming course in order to legal essay writing Florida, continuously update myself and become more competitive. This construction is slightly awkward. You can rephrase this idea as follows: I plan to use my private time to a good proposal essay, attend computer programming courses in legal writing of Central order to maintain a competitive knowledge of technology. I have adjusted the tone of this paragraph to use a more confident voice.
For instance, I replaced the Rossall, phrase, the program can deepen expertise, with, such a program will deepen my expertise. This adjustment is subtle, but it makes a big difference. Your original introduction failed to introduce your subject to the reader in an adequate fashion or to engage his attention. Rather than summarizing your arguments in an essay this short, it is better to provide a hook that draws your reader into the piece. See my suggestion in the text. This paragraph was too wordy, and many of your arguments were redundant. I have streamlined your discussion to make it more direct, and University of Central I have separated this paragraph into two parts to make it more readable. In addition, it was necessary to topics Curtin University Singapore, reduce the graphic description of your physical ailment. It is better to focus on how you overcame adversity rather than to dwell on how you suffered as a child. . full of ulcers, sores, bandages and scars. I always felt itchy and painful, and I dared not play with others.
Moreover, my hairs had never been longer that two inches. These are distracting details that fail to illustrate how you overcame adversity. I suggest reducing these descriptions to legal of Central Florida, a minimum. During every examination and competition, I told myself that I was able to do the write a good proposal Polimoda, best because nothing was tougher than the time when I was in legal essay Florida the primary school. This is a very powerful argument that does a great job of illustrating your resolve. I have highlighted and expanded upon this idea in the revised essay. This paragraph is journal article Rossall School also best divided into legal essay writing University Florida two separate parts. Writing A Theme International College Of Management! To ensure that your essay reads smoothly, I have provided new transition sentences to each paragraph.
However, I quickly found that I was wrong after we completed our first function. This is a good place to vary sentence length for legal essay University of Central Florida dramatic effect. I propose the following: I quickly learned my mistake. I followed up my members' tasks very strictly and did not accept their idea very often. While it is important to how to a literary College, be honest, you should cast this detail in the most favorable light possible. I propose the following: I was strict with my team members and often rejected their ideas in essay writing of Central favor of my own. With all the changes I have proposed, you will have to use your judgment and accept only those which you think are best. Overall, these essays now do a very good job of essay TASIS American in Switzerland), putting a human face on your application. I wish you the best of luck in the application process.
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3 Tragic Misconceptions About Proposal Cover Letters. Essay University Of Central! Cover letters are one of the most important pieces of topics Curtin Singapore a proposal. Unfortunately, 99% of the cover letters I#8217;ve seen during my Brutally Honest Proposal Critiques are cr*p. The problem stems from common misconceptions about the cover letter#8217;s place in the current proposal environment. Lets look at three misconceptions that can lead to epic cover letter failure. Misconception #1: People Want To Read Your Cover Letter. Recently, I was at legal writing University Florida a prebid meeting at writing Curtin University PASSHE, which is responsible for essay writing University, dorm construction for Pennsylvania#8217;s state university system. The Director of Construction made it plain. #8220;Don#8217;t include a cover letter in your proposal.
It#8217;s not going to convince us. How To Write Essay TASIS School In Switzerland)! So, don#8217;t waste your time.#8221; Why would he say that? He said that because he#8217;s seen hundreds, if not thousands, of legal writing of Central cover letters and they all said nothing. There was nothing of value in those cover letters. Naturally, when he sees a cover letter, we have trained his brain to skip over it. If you think someone is likely to read your cover letter, you are insane. Instead, you have to give people a reason to read your cover letter.
You have to get their attention and then create a #8220;slippery slope#8221; that will keep them reading. I give an quality essay writing University of Groningen (Study Group), in-depth tutorial on creating a slippery slope in Proposal Development Secrets. Many of you have already read the book. I won#8217;t rehash all of that. But remember, you have to start off by creating a #8220;knowledge gap.#8221; You create a knowledge gap by highlighting a gap between what the reader knows and University what the quality essay writing (Study, reader wants to know. Let#8217;s say you are proposing to a client that knows your firm pretty well.
You might use, #8220;3 Things You Might Not Know About ABC Architects.#8221; Those three things better be something they don#8217;t know and also highlight what they would be missing out on if they hire someone else for this project. Essay Writing University Florida! You#8217;ll notice I use this knowledge gap technique with a lot of my titles. That#8217;s why my open rate is so much higher than the industry average. How To Polimoda! I give people a reason to read, then deliver. Obviously, it#8217;s a technique I#8217;ve also used quite successfully in proposals to clients all over the country. Misconception #2: You Can Use A Template. People always get angry at me when they ask for an example of a great cover letter for legal writing University of Central Florida, them to quality essay writing University Group), use. Legal Writing University Of Central! That#8217;s because I tell them such a thing does not exist.
A great cover letter to the Department of Veterans Affairs is quality writing of Groningen (Study Group) not going to essay University of Central, be a great cover letter to writing University (Study Group), the University of Pennsylvania Health System. Each cover letter has to speak to the specific client and project. Unfortunately, that means, gasp, each cover letter will have to legal University, be written from scratch. How To Essay School! There is no way around it. Well, actually there is. Legal Essay Of Central! Write a terrible cover letter they will simply skip over. But that won#8217;t help you win. Misconception #3: Throw Everything At Them and See What Sticks.
This misconception leads to long cover letters. Here#8217;s the problem. If you had received a three-page letter in 1973, the journal School, likelihood that you would have read all three pages would have been very high. Essay! But we live in a different world. Journal! When was the last time you read, word for essay University of Central Florida, word, a three-page letter? Even better yet, when was the last time you even received a three-page letter? I#8217;m sorry to say that if my own grandmother sent me a three-page letter, she#8217;d be pushing her luck.
I couldn#8217;t promise I#8217;d read ever word. Busy people just don#8217;t read long cover letters. Anything longer than a page is pushing it. When my boss sees a two-page cover letter from me, his initial reaction is, #8220;There is journal article critique something up. Legal Essay Writing University! Why is this so long?#8221; Two-page cover letters are sometimes unavoidable. But three-page cover letters are always avoidable. Every word needs to earn its place on the cover letter. If it doesn#8217;t speak specifically to this client, to this project#8230;it hasn#8217;t earned its place. As much as it pains you, leave it out. Don#8217;t let these misconceptions plague your cover letters. Follow my advice and you#8217;ll get an general Singapore, opportunity to make a powerful pitch to essay University, your clients.
If you want to journal critique Rossall School, learn more about the slippery slope, I just released an unrestricted PDF of Proposal Development Secrets. If you liked this article, please subscribe below or on the right side of the homepage. If you want to give us your thoughts on this issue, please leave a comment below. Great post! Misconception #2 is spot on! It drives me nuts how many times I see the same generic letter over and over#8230; Also, this template letter usually has everything in it (Misconception #3). Thank you for the comment. I love reading cover letters that say #8220;We#8217;re excited to be submitting on project XYZ#8230;#8221; Yes I can tell you are excited to be submitting#8230; (in my best Ben Stein voice) That#8217;s why your cover letter states it. Our it states you are passionate about the project. Legal Essay Of Central! People who are passionate don#8217;t have to write they are passionate it shows in ielts general writing topics Curtin, everything they do or write. Another great post worth passing along!
Good reminders. This is similar advice to an SMPS speaker I saw at Florida a regional conference. Here is where I struggle though. Any advice on College helping BD staff get good project-specific, client-specific info to pack into University Florida proposals? Or to help find out what we offer that#8217;s actually different? I#8217;m the marketer who doesn#8217;t interact with clients. All my info comes from BD and if I don#8217;t get good info from general University, them the entire proposal, not just the cover letter, reflects that. I feel there has to be a better way because otherwise it seems impossible to do what you say. University Of Central! Thank you for the comment.
I#8217;ll address this problem in a future post. Keep reading. I do talk a little bit about this in essay (Study Group), my book. Pick that up if you haven#8217;t yet. Here#8217;s the link. Cover letters are a waste of everyone#8217;s time. I wouldn#8217;t go that far. I certainly don#8217;t think they are a waste of time. Not if you do it right. Writing Florida! I was once told by a US Army Corps of Engineers that when a proposal has a bound-in cover letter, the secretary rips the letter out of each copy before distributing them to essay University of Groningen, the screening committee. That#8217;s a good story.
I believe it. Years ago, I was on a debrief call where the Army Corps admitted to not reading most of legal of Central our proposal. I#8217;m the only proposal writer at an engineering firm with nearly 20 project managers. All but a very small minority consistently rely on how to a good proposal at least one of these three misconceptions for every single cover letter. thanks Matt. You might start by forwarding them the link to this article. Sometimes it helps to essay writing University, hear it from an outside source.
I#8217;ve made everyone of those mistakes in cover letters, multiple times. As usual, you are spot on. Thanks Matt. Write TASIS American! Thank you for legal writing University of Central Florida, commenting. Write A Literary Analysis Essay Lake! I didn#8217;t even know you read the site. Legal Writing University! #128578; I#8217;ll shoot you an how to proposal Polimoda, email. Everything you are saying about the old way about legal writing University of Central writing cover letters is true.
I hate having to follow what the School, uncreative people wrote before. Even though we win most of our bids, I would still like to write fresh and essay of Central creative cover letters and proposals. Thank you for commenting. Cover letters are just a piece of the puzzle. I#8217;m sure many successful firms have terrible cover letters. Yet, they still win lots of how to a literary analysis Lake College contracts. But even if you have a winning record, getting even better will help protect your position. It sounds like you agree. Great post, Matt. I have been pushing people toward more concise and engaging letters for years and will keep fighting the legal writing University Florida, good fight.
When I have just a few minutes to #8216;peer review#8217; a colleague#8217;s proposal, I always go to the letter first. Whether read, skimmed, or glanced at, the how to write a good proposal, letter remains part of the client#8217;s first impression. Thank you for your comment Jeff. Keep fighting the good fight. This is a great piece, Matt. Legal Essay Writing University Florida! To go along with it, I remember seeing (long ago) a list of the phrases we all used in cover letters which one should never use. For example, the first item on the list was the quality essay writing University (Study, traditional opening, #8220;We are pleased to present.#8221; The explanation was that if you weren#8217;t pleased to present, you wouldn#8217;t have presented at all, so these words were a waste of space. Legal Essay Of Central Florida! If someone could find that list again and share it, maybe we#8217;d all learn even more about cover letters than you taught above. Journal! Was it words not to use in your proposal?
If so, I have that document. When will we be able to writing of Central, turn off the essay TASIS (The American in Switzerland), broken record and stop having to repeat ourselves when we tell our folks in legal writing, the field #8220;quality, not quantity. #8221; the Proposal Writer lamented, tapping dejectedly at her keyboard. Cover letters can be quite valuable if the writer uses them appropriately, e.g., as a way to connect personally/remind the prospect of a recent meeting and to segue into the proposal with a friendly but professional recap of the reader#8217;s needs and objectives (if the salesperson was lucky enough to how to analysis Lake College, have had an actual meeting or even phone call with the of Central, prospect ahead of time). Nice choice of write proposal essay graphic. I like the oh-so-subtle hidden #8220;hurdle#8221; concept as a backdrop for the massive wipeout. Thank you for the comment. Legal Writing University Florida! Interesting reading I was in how to a good proposal essay Polimoda, a proposal training where it was stated in legal writing University of Central Florida, today#8217;s world it is essay best practice to not include a cover letter as it has no value add. I#8217;m old school and legal essay Florida agree it is just good business practice and one should take the opportunity to make it of value. Thank you for the comment. Matt this is great. Thanks for giving voice to my frustration with template letters.
Thank you for writing essay Singapore, commenting. Essay University Of Central! Great post! I like your idea for #8220;3 things you may not know about our company#8221;. Write Lake College! [#8230;] Here#8217;s a great piece by legal essay, Matt Handal about quality writing University proposal cover letters. [#8230;] Get The FREE Proposal Writing Crash Course! Proposal Workshop (Austin, TX) How to Get Meetings with the Most Unreachable Potential Clients (Free Webinar For SDA Members) Proposal Development Secrets (Free Webinar) How to Get Meetings with the Most Unreachable Potential Clients (Free Webinar) How Much Traffic Should Your Website Really Get? Why Mistakes In Proposals Don#8217;t Matter…and What Does. The Ultimate SF330 Guide (with Template) A/E Marketers Are Not Your Gal Friday. Of Central Florida! What I#8217;ve Learned From Using Zurmo As My CRM.
The Purpose of Graphics and Images in a Proposal…It#8217;s Not What You Think. AEC Marketing Jobs Marketing and Business Development Jobs With Architecture, Engineering, and Construction Firms Business Development Manager Job Description A new site about business development CofeBuz Tim Klabunde#8217;s tips on becoming a better networker. Construction Marketing Ideas Mark Buchshon#8217;s daily blog for the construction marketer. Delay Damages A website all about construction delay damages. Ediscovery An entire site about ediscovery How To Write A Proposal A website dedicated to explaining proposal writing to those who have little to ielts Curtin University, no experience doing so. Marketers Take Flight Career advice for A/E/C marketers. My Business Letter The internet#8217;s more comprehensive website on the business letter. Hi. I'm Matt Handal. And this is my site Help Everybody Everyday.
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